Letters to Nowhere chapter 5 (Cartas a Ninguna Parte capítulo 5)

Estándar

If you were purebred and local or a today renegade mestizo you are approved. But if you are a simple son (proud) of Immigrants, black, chinese, japanese or “similar” you got it thought.
And this is the pure reality.The theory, preached by all, is that all of

them are tolerant, anti racists and anti-xenophobic. You see, “angels”.
Juan Diez, was the first boy in the golden list of good matches.
And Pati was crazy in love with him.
He didn’t even look at her, everybody knew that he felt aversion about Patricia who wasn’t exactly a cover girl. Anyway, he wasn’t nothing special either. I always pitied Patricia, always daydreaming, smiling, laughing, loving… When I met her. But we all change. And in the scales of good and bad inside us, one of the plates outweights the other.
_ The one who looks free is the new…

Helena hit the shot.  Manu almost jumped from the chair to say that she finally get to know his name.
_ Se llama Adrián.

As always she was fill of compliments, not very respectful. To the poor guy’s ears there has to be a good whistle, totally alien to that sickly interest that triggered an unknown girl.

_ Look, your parents.

Patricia was looking through the windows of the coffee shop. I left the money on the table, took my jacket and say good bye quickly, tired of that silly chatting.
_ Are you going to check the lists  on Monday?
_ yes – I replied already in the door.
_ Hey, today is Friday!  – yelled Patricia – Are you going out or not?
_ I’ll call you!

“Who knows?” I thought. I got in the car, happy, commenting the “match” with my parents, and excited with my own conversation I decided to go out that night.

I changed clothes 3 times. I went downstairs to the living room the 3 times and the 3 times I got approval. Why so much interest that night?
I asked myself too: I had those black eyes pierced in my mind, without being able to explain myself what was feeling.
I decided on the blue dress, that I loved, and it was enough for me to look me on the mirror, smile and go out.
I had my face all red.
When a person has the face flushed and the eyes brighting, it’s a sign of happiness, vitality and energy. The eyes talk about everything. It’s amazing.

Back then I had everything. I was going to the College, and new perspectives were opened for me. I felt shiny, I loved being loved and being happy. But, how many times we forget that happiness is not eternal and slides off our hands, slips from them…and You don’t feel it anymore.

 

That night the disco, was as always for me: smoke, french kisses in every corner and tall glasses from I got to listen the sound of the ice cubes hitting each other.
It disappointed me more when the music began to be repetitive, feeling like a hammer inside my head until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I don’t know, I don’t think you will like this music, Beatrix. Its name tells about it perfectly: it’s cold, impersonal, inhuman and with a lyrics who sounds like a babble without argument: machine music.
You see, even here arrived the Industrial revolution. The firsts steps were meritorius and resounding, but now, you know that there is a talk of spaceflights? Of course, only for billionaires.

What good it all this progress if half of the World only has naked bodys, hunger, hopeless and soil under their feet?
Beatrix, what I most regret is that every day lots of children die on The Earth.
A lot, I don’t know how many, but even if it’s only one, they are innocent creatures who won’t be able to LIVE, in capital letter, with all its meaning. Not even reading your tales and imagine little rabbit Benjamin or the Lady kitty or the hen Sarah…

Pati and Manu, met with Helena and two of her coworkers, beginning to complain about the boys not being there that night.
The smoke was  suffocating me, I began to feel sick. It was really that what I wanted?
A couple was eating their mouths in a corner. He was scrubbing all hands her butt.
I found it so disgusting.
The “chick”, that’s a way to talk about someone nowadays even thought they are not the cute chickens from your tales…- made a break to have a drink. She had all the eye mask made a glob and a really impressive dark circles. She looked like the poor and distressed Munch. But there it was impossible to hear the scream, so perfectly audible at the
picture.
Her face reminded me my palette knife and the nice feeling of stopping the pigment with the linseed oil…This way my paintings had come to life: my doves, my horses, my portraits.

I got out of there and , between the wardrobe and the lockers I just breath out. Because you don’t know it but the last thing you can do in a disco or dance pub is breathing.
I pulled the bangs out if my eyes and stepped back. I stumbled upon something.
At first i thought it was the billiard but…that soft?
I turned around and there he was, saying sorry.
_ No, no, it was me, sorry I stepped on your foot.
_ No way, it was me, I wasn’t looking where I was going…
_ It uses to happen on these places…
I said it dismissive. I didn’t do it on purpose, but it looks like he noticed.
_ They are a pain right?
_ I so agree.
_ Then what are we doing here?

He said with such a witty way that made me laugh.
_ Well, I’m not sure, but maybe only to have something to share.
He looked at the door. It has a porthole window through we could see a piece of sky.
_ what about we sharing a bit of fresh air?
I must admit I had some misgivings. I don’t trust people easily. But I don’t know why I followed him.
_ It won’t be long, I’m leaving in 10 minutes.
_ Ah, curfew?
_ No, no…Not at all. At home we all are adults and responsible.
_ And what that means?
_ We don’t lie, we don’t hide anything. We trust completely each others.
_ Sounds very good. I don’t have curfew either. I live alone.
I looked at him questioningly.
_ I came from Ciudad Real* for work…
_ Here? – I made it sound like it was a joke.
_ You don’t like this place?
_ There is only one thing I love here.
I pointed out the mountains. They are incredible pretty , Beatrix, every second, in the passing of the seasons, at night or day time, they are different, but extremely beautiful.
He nodded.
_ And my family – I added in.
_ Do you have siblings?
_ Yes, three – I answered.
_ Wow!
I smiled satisfied. To me, talking about my brothers is like showing out a medal of honor.
_ And you? Have you left someone there in La Mancha*?
_ My Mother.
_ And your father…?
_ As if he were dead. He left us when I was a baby. I have a stepfather but…I prefer not to talk about him.

 

Because of the the tone of the voice and the afliction of his face I got that I had stepped on a very delicate subject and I flustered.Thanks God, because I have a natural tan, the blushings can’t be noticed easily. Instead my brother, just like my Mother, has very white skin and the flushing get all face and even ears.
Without noticing we had walked to the parking.
My car was there, shiny. I had washed it that evening.
Suddenly I remembered I had forgot totally Manu and Patricia.
Looks like I said it out loud, because Adrian, with disgust, said to me that I was doing ok forgetting them.
_ I guess you have noticed I’ve been looking at you…I’m not good at hiding my moves.
I just felt embarrassed and motionless.
_ And I also have seen with whom are you going out. Those girls aren’t for you.
_ You are being too hard with me, and it’s our first conversation.
_ Same for you, who blamed me for opting for this city.
I took out my keys and I was going to get in the car.
_ Then we are in a draw.
Once again those black eyes, that cheeky smile. Them fascinated me without being aware.
I smiled to him.
He smiled to me.

I guess in a place like that, you know my name – he said.
_ Oh, don’t let it go to your head… I also know your name.
_We are in a draw again.

I got in the car. There in the door of the disco, I thought I saw Manu, but I was to excited with that conversation.
Adrian looked how I get out the car from the parking. Raised his hand as saying good bye, and I remember that, just when I passed in front of the disco, a fatty blond was looking at me.
She reminded to me Sissy Spacek on “Carrie” but featuring Rosie O’Donell., that can be lots worse…Oh well, I’m talking to you about something you don’t know. Do you remember that extraordinary invention of two brothers, the Lumiére? Well, it has been more and more big and incredible, I will tell you about it.

It was long ago that the tender and sincere friendship between Manu and I, had begun to break out. But now, being with her , talking with her, scared me.

And I really knew that Fear is the worst enemy to have to be afraid.
But what I didn’t know was about the situation I was going to be drown some time later.
Now I’m not scared of anyone anymore. I know that Human Dignity  makes possible to be the owner of oneself.

Now I’m scared about something that had not been afraid since I started praying to God, when I had 5, 6 years old.
Now what scares me is the DEATH.

To Be continued…

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* Ciudad Real, city from La Mancha, center of Spain, birthplace of El Quijote and his creator Cervantes.

 

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